No List Lizards, Inc.

   The following has been re-keyboarded from an article
 which appeared	in The DX Magazine.
------------------------------------------------------------
     How Not to Break Pile-Ups
             by Bob Furzer N6BFM/9K2ZZ


       I offer the following non-prioritized list of operating
techniques guaranteed to bring a fast-paced, orderly (no matter how
heavy) pile-up to a grinding halt  ....

       QRP..QRP..QRP.. I fail to see the motivation or objective of this
very common practice. For a start, I really don't care if the station is
QRP or QRO; that is the operator's personal preference. If the operator is
confident enough to think I can hear his plea for special consideration,
then why doesn't he have the confidence that I can copy his callsign? I
copy three letters (Q, R, & P), why couldn't I copy a few more and get the
whole callsign?

       Xray..Xray..Xray..  (ad nauseam) This  practice seems to have
spawned for list operations and is unfortunately becoming more and more
commonplace.  It is even spreading to CW.  This is a sure-fire way to
bring a snappy operation to a grinding halt.  Not only does it necessitate
several additional exchanges, but the Xray Xray station frequent feels
compelled to repeat his full callsign several times to ensure I have, in
fact, received it correctly. Not that it should be of concern to me, but I
suspect that the FCC (or appropriate licensing authority) would be hard
stretched to view this a correct station identification.

       Can you move to...?  Frequently, in the midst of a pile, I am
requested by an avid DXer who needs a QSO on another band or mode if I will
QSY. It never ceases to  amaze me; I'm enjoying the pile-up.  If I  didn't,
I wouldn't be running one!.  I'm not about to quit just because someone
needs  me on another band.  I have no objection to requests as to whether I
operate CW  (or SSB as the case may be) or when I will be on another
band/mode, but the blatant request to move elsewhere without consideration
for everyone else on frequency is a  certain. formula for incurring my
wrath.

       My name is Bob.	Bravo Oscar Bravo, my QTH is Atlanta Tango Lima
Alpha  November Tango Alpha (or even worse Alabama Tumultuous Louisiana
etc.).	It is  frequently said that I have limited mental capacity, but I'm
not a complete moron.  I do know how to spell Bob, If I don't know
Atlanta, and I'm curious, I'll ask.  I'll avoid  mentioning  further
numerous, totally superfluous, time-consuming, and aggravating phrases,
expressions, and colloquialisms (Hi Hi, Old Man,
Onetwothreefourfivebyonetwothreefourfiveoverover, Break Break, Please Copy,
etc.).

      'Nine Kilo Two Zulu Zulu,  Nine  Kilo Two Zulu Zulu, this is November
Six  Bravo Foxtrot  Mike.  QSL, you are also five and nine.  Over, over.'
Hey, I know my call (why repeat it once, never mind  twice?). I know your
call (I just gave you a report!).  Why "Over Over," you are  soliciting an
additional transmission.  Why any Overs at all? Just let go the PTT,
footswitch, or let the VOX drop, or better  still, simply sign off.

       Only very rarely do I change  my QTH, name, callsign, or QSL manager
between QSOs.  It is abundantly clear that  stations  realize  they are
missing a vital piece of information only after they (or I) have terminated
the QSO. Invariably the request for additional information comes as a
belligerent unidentified demand over the top of another station's
transmission.  I identify my station at the end of each QSO, I identify my
QSL manager and give my name (without  phonetic  spelling) whenever
requested by the station I am in contact with. This apparently does not
satisfy a significant number of operators.  It is not sufficient to have
broken the pileup to establish the QSO; there is the inexplicable urge to
blow away the next poor guy by overriding the QSO with inane questions.

    The  key ingredients that appear lacking (again, not in order of
priority) are: Common sense, patience, and the all important one: the
ability to listen.

       If you hear pileups spread neatly at five kHz across the band, then
try listening for me at the lowest frequency pile-up.  I  have solved the
problem of utter confusion caused by the Italian and Russian operators
(they are consistently the worst operators I have ever heard, and I have
absolutely no reservation saying so), I simply say 'Those stations with
only two letters in their callsigns call me 5 up. Those stations with only
three letters in their callsigns, call me 10 up. Everyone else, call me on
this frequency. ' It actually works.  I just stay where I am, simplex, and
have snappy QSOs with the guys who know what they are doing.

       If I am working stations who give two letters (heaven forbid) then
by all means give me two letters, if not (and 'I won't!), then don't.  If I
can't spell Bob, then by all means spell your three- or four-letter name.
If I'm working tail-enders, then tail-end, otherwise don't.  If I haven't
given my callsign, name, or QSL manager for several minutes, then ask.	If
I ask stations for their grandmother's maiden name and their  age,
profession, marital status, and social security number, then give it.
Otherwise  don't!

       Is this fun or what?  Did you ever stop to consider that if this is
a fun hobby, then why do we work DX?  Some of you sure make it hard work.
If you don't like the way I do it, or you find my operating  practices
offensive, then don't call me; go bother someone else.  Just remember that
while you are floundering with cute phonetics and exercising your right of
verbal diarrhea, or expounding on the virtues of some esoteric and totally
uninteresting subject, I have already terminated the'  QSO and worked two
other guys who actually wanted a quick QSO, because I'm  long gone.  I
don't have to wait for you to finish mumbling salutations,  all I have to
do is say QRZ.

       Oh well... QRZ the station with Xray Xray Over Over in the call...

      The DX Magazine

No List Lizards, Inc.
Atlanta, Georgia